Grandma

I have been dreading this post for a long time! My Grandma died April 26, 2011. I still cry whenever I go to her grave or see her obituary or try to write this post or even think about writing this post. I just cried when I looked at her little pamphlet thing they have at funerals. It has been 2 months & I still think about her a lot. Since I have moved back from college I have been cold towards my grandma. She said some things to me that hurt me. I didn't go see her as much as I should have. Towards the end it was hard to visit her because she didn't say much & she was sick. She was in & out of the hospital a bunch of times this year. My Grandpa called me & wanted me there when the ambulance came to take her to the hospital. I will never forget going into her room & seeing her at home for the last time. I wish I would have written this sooner so I wouldn't have to think about that last week. It was so hard seeing her so frail. I'm so glad Alex didn't go see her in the hospital. I

I'm finally HAPPY!

My first pre-assessment is tomorrow. I am a little nervous, but I know that I just need a 60% and I can take the real assessment. My life has changes so much in the past 13 months. I still can not believe Daniel is gone. My heart is still broken & I cry a lot. Mostly when Stephen is gone. The other night I had a dream that Ed was kidnapped while we where going to WinCo. It was horrible! I woke up crying & I'm sure Stephen had no idea how to help me. I dream about Daniel fairly frequently. He never says anything to me. He's just there then walks away from me. Sometimes I try to go after him, sometimes I don't. I just hope he is at peace & is safe from the demonds that haunted him here. Since my last post the only new thing is that I have went back to school. I want to get my CPA, but I need more accounting credits. So I am getting another degree in accounting. I go to WGU its all online which is very nice. I am hoping that it will only take me a year and a half to complete. Looks possible so far. I need to work harder, but I do a lot of other things like babysit here & there, & help with whatever anyone needs. For the first time in my life I feel happy. Like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Not working is great, well only working every other friday is great! I am so glad that Stephen works as hard as he does so that I am able to take this little breather & get myself together. A CPA will help me get a better job. I want to be a seasonal tax person. That way I can do things with Stephen & not feel so maxed out all the time. It feels so good to be happy! I don't get angry very often. I used to be angry all the time. Literally all the time!! Now when I get mad its not even that bad. I can control it, it doesn't consume me for days. I really do have the best husband. Stephen is everything I have ever wanted in a partner. He's just great! Well I could go on and on about how amazing he is, but I need to get to bed. = )