Dreams

I've been having lots of dreams lately. I was driving home from taking Ed some dinner when my mother called & we had a cow out. So I turned around. When I got there the calf was standing in the driveway. I got out of the car thinking it would be easy all I would have to do is open the gate & heard him in. Then the calf went down the fence & walked right into the field through the fence! It was easy! lol That night I had a night mare about cows! I used to have them all the time as a kid, but haven't had one for a long while. I've also had a dream that kind of embarrasses me. When we are in Vegas me & Stephen decide to get married, cuz people go to Vegas to get drunk or to get married quick. & I'm not going there to drink lol! Last night I had a dream about mice. They where all over! I had to keep getting Scribbles to chase them! I didn't like her killing them, but I didn't want them in my house. I think the mice are my minds interpretation of the spiders in my room.

I love dreaming! It like an adventure & my mind goes crazy & anything can happen! Alex stayed the night last night & I kept waking up thinking Stephen was there. I would go to snuggle into him & realize it was Alex. She likes to flop around too! I kept waking up with her arm on top of me or she would have me pushed to the edge. Sometimes she is hard to sleep with! She also likes to snore in my ear just like Stephen does. They both are enough to drive me crazy, but I love them all the same. Hmm I don't really have much else to update about. Alex & I are dressed the same today.

Alone

Stephen left this morning for 2 weeks! I only got to see him for like 5 days this month! It blows! Oh well. We did a lot of exploring in those few days. We went to Minatonka cave which I haven't been to since elementary school. I really like that he takes me exploring. I like seeing new things & I like being being with Stephen so it works out great! After the cave we went to Bear Lake West for some cocktails then met my dad, Ed, & Ronda at North Beach & went out on the boat. I drank a little too much. My dad asked me the next day if he needs to bring me my own 12 pack next time! lol That was the first time I drank around my family & it was fun! I threw Scribbles off the boat a few times. She was not too impressed, but it was funny. Her eyes get huge! What else did we do. We went to IF & got him some stuff for AK. I got sick for like 1.5 weeks & missed a lot of work. Went to the Dr & I have sinus infections. Now I'm on antibiotics. Hmm what else. Oh my dad took the water banana out on Saturday! It was soo much fun! We tipped over once & I fell on Ed then Thomas fell on me. It hurt so bad! My arm got hurt, my head was throbbing, and my right shoulder/chest was hurt. The pain only lasted a few days. I still have some bruising, but it was fun! On Sunday I woke up at 3am to pick up Stephen from the airport. I was sacred I would get lost in SLC, but I had no problems! Plus where I left early I could drive as fast as I wanted & made the trip really fast. So I was at the airport an hour & a half early.

Next month we are going to the Grand Canyon, Colorado, & Las Vegas!! I'm super excited! I don't know if I'm more excited for the trip or that I'll be with Stephen for days strait! He's great! I feel like I can not get enough of him! We've done the love you thing a few times, but nothing consistent. Which I like! I don't feel any pressure. The only thing I'm not liking is work schedule, but it's nice to have alone time. 2 weeks is a little too much alone time. The money is good & he seems to like it so oh well. If I could just get a good job then we would be making bank. Oh well time will tell...

Jon has been gone for what seems like forever! I feel like I live alone. I'm glad I have Scribbles to keep me company. I've been finding at least one spider a day! It's gross & freaks me out! They are always in my room too! Makes me want to sleep on the couch all the time, but I don't sleep as good there. Well it's time for bed.

I'm on a boat!

My dad got a new boat the other day & it's sweet! It has beds & stuff but can still go fast! I'm planning on a boat party Saturday so if your interested just let me know! It's kinda like my very late graduation party! Hopefully Betty doesn't have me working when she puts out the new schedule. Work sucks still. The head is still not catching on. The other day she comes up to me & asks "There's a light bulb out, what do I do?" Are you kidding me? You fucking change it! Later I asked her if she changed it & she said she couldn't reach the box & walked away. WTF lady?! Me & Frankie joke around about her & others all the time. I'm ganna miss her! Hmm what else.... I really really miss Stephen! 2 weeks is a long time! The first week was nice. It gave me some alone time, but this 2nd week is killing me! Good thing he will be here on Wed! Then he leaves on Sunday for AK for a week. Hopefully I will get time off in August for our Grand Canyon trip. I'm excited for it, but I have a feeling I will not get the days off. I keep thinking about Saturday!!! It's ganna be sweet. I'll probably stay the night on the boat Friday & possible Saturday night! I am soo excited! I think I'm more excited about my dads boat than he is! Or maybe I just show it more! Either way I can't wait!!! Stephen talks to me every night. I have started 1 of the conversations & he has talked to me first the rest of the time! I love it! It seems easy & fun. Which is great! The boys keep making jokes about it. It's funny but embarrassing too! Here is an example. Stephen & I showed up at Jon's house (where I live) Jon turns to Ed & says Oh look Stephens here. Do you know what he is here for? Ed says no, What? Jon says to fuck your sister. Makes me blush just thinking about it. There are other stories, but I like that one!

I am ganna fall asleep! I did laundry yesterday morning then came back at 11pm. I get off at 7am just to be back here at 7:30am. It sucks! I don't know why Betty makes me do these 16 hr days! Oh well hopefully I find a job that uses my degree soon! Well I better go set up breakfast!

Wow, BUSY!

I hardly have time to think about my life let alone make blog posts! I have a boyfriend now. I really super like him. His name is Stephen. We went camping a while ago then up to the Paris Ice Caves & Bloomington lake. Both where very pretty & a first for me. I had a great time. Then the other day we went fishing with his dad & brother at Palsades (probably spelled wrong!). I had worked all night so I slept for a while in the boat. lol Great first impression for his family I'm sure. His mom talked to me about the hospital positions I was applying for. Didn't get either one, this town does not want to hire me for anything! I got my diploma in the mail a few days ago!! Yay me! I'm working on getting a frame for it. The new head housekeeper is driving me crazy! She doesn't seem to be progressing which is frustrating when we have a full house! She was supposed to be the head today, but I was making all the decisions & running around like a crazy person! It makes me sick! I got over time! In the past 2 weeks I have worked over 90 hours! I hardly have time to breathe! Plus at just above min wage the money does not stack up. Drives me crazy, but until Stephen starts paying my bills what can a girl do? ; ) I'm living with Jon now. It's going well. I do the inside work & he does the outside. It's nice to have a clean house & be able to cook. Ed & Dan still drop by for dinner here & there which is nice. Makes me feel like I'm a good cook! I think that's really all the news I have. I feel like I run run run & at the end of the day I have done nothing! Ugh I miss Stephen. We have only been together for a short time, but he makes me really happy. I have not been this happy in I don't know how long. I love going into the wood with him or just sitting around. It's all good. I also really like that my family already knows & likes him so I don't have to worry about that. Another thing that makes me like him is that he is not stuck to this valley. I really like it here, but I don't have to be here. He is the same way. He would move for a better life. He has also been out in the world. He has not just stayed here. I wish he had a college education, but he has knowledge. That's good. He's a very nice change of pace. I would describe him as the nice cool glass of water you crave after you've been drinking lemonade. Sure lemonade is good, but nothing beats a glass of water. That's probably really corny, but it makes sense to me!

An update, its been a while!

2 June 2009
Wow it has been an adventure moving back to BL. Some bad & some good. On the trip back to Moscow with Mar for my last load of stuff it took about 12 hours to get there & 13 hours back to BL. We made a bunch of stops. On the way home we stopped & talked to my Aunt Martha & Ryan for about 2 hours then we stopped in Twin Falls to have lunch at the falls. It was fun, but long! It has taken me many, many hours to get this house looking semi presentable. It’s cleaner now than it has ever been! Ed got mad & threw a huge fit the end of Mayish. He just snapped & started throwing shit. He threw my tot across the room then a clothes dryer thing. It hit my arm & gave me a cut. It didn’t bleed, but I might get a scare from it. I’m not very impressed. Ed did apologize & has been very helpful since, so its all good in the hood.
I went on a date with Stephen Friday the 29th. We then went to SLC on Sunday with Alex. Oh on that Thursday we went to a graduation party for some of the high school kids & Stephen thought it would be a good idea to throw some old light poles or something into the fire. Yeah cut his finger open & I went with him to the hospital to get stitches. It was great fun. We then went to another graduation party up Mill Canyon after the stitches. It ruined my buzz. Group of people I didn’t care to be around. On our date on Friday we went to Logan. Stephen was ganna take me to this place that had rides, but it was closed, so we went to the zoo. It was fun we just walked around & talked. When we went to SLC it was to help his cousins get through the city then we just came back. When we got back we took Alex home then went for a drive around the lake. He’s a very nice guy. I’m impressed. He’s at work now for 2 weeks! Ugh! But then he get 2 off & the plan is to go to Lagoon for our second date. I am very excited for it! I love Lagoon & have not been since 8th grade! = )
Work is going good I guess. I am an assistant head housekeeper & I work the front desk. I have my first solo front desk shift on Saturday. Tomorrow I work at 7am in housekeeping then go in at 4 for more training, then again at 12 for training. It’s ganna be a busy day, but I like it that way. I’m applying for a CFO position at the hospital. It doesn’t seem likely that I will get it, but I want to try anyways. Who knows.
Hmm what else. Oh Scribbles! She does not like to stay around very well. Tonight she was out in the road. Grr… She is doing better now than she did when I first moved here, but she has some work to do. The neighbor’s dog attached her once, have not seen the dog since. If he/she does it again I will call the cops. It is nice to have her around. She makes me feel better. I can always play with her. I do feel bad that she has to be locked up a lot cuz I’m busy. I was letting her run around my room but she kept getting into shit. One day she ripped open a few bag I had laying around & opened a box of Alex’s toothpaste, another day she shredded a roll of toilet paper. So now she gets locked in the kennel. Poor puppy, but she needs to be good. She is getting fixed on Tuesday. I’m taking her & Sissy to Soda to get it done. I hope everything goes ok. I’m attached to both dogs. They are so funny when they play together. I really like Stephen. I hope things go ok there too. It’s a little weird that he is Ed’s friend, but at the same time it’s not. I don’t have to worry about my family getting along with him. Ed has already used the line “He was my friend first.” Ed always tells these out landish stories. I do it too, but not to the extreme that he does. He tried to tell me the other day that the drawer under the stove was the broiler. I was like Um no. He is really good at it too. I never can tell, luckily I’m getting used to it.


Since the 2nd not much has happened. I'm working my first solo shift right now & its all coming back fairly easily. Which is very nice. My grandma went to the hospital last night. She was having trouble breathing, but they didn't find anything wrong. She is a diabetic & ate a bunch of chocolate cake so that's probably what was causing the problems. I love my grandma, but she needs to smarten up about her health. My mother of course went into a frenzy about her going to the hospital. She is driving me bat shit crazy! Well I'm not very into typing right now. So I'll write more later!

Stressed out Tongue

So this is what my tongue looks like! It hurts so bad! I can hardly move my tongue with out pain. I took this pic after I scrubbed the shit out of it with my tooth brush, held salt on it, and used mouth wash. Hopefully a few days of that treatment will make it go away. It typically works, but ya never know. I hope it doesn't grow anymore, its already huge. I used to get these fairly frequently, but not recently. This is my first one this year, I think. They usually come from stress. It tastes like metal when they first start growing, but now it just makes my mouth water nonstop.



I got flowers from my Macy's peeps! They are so pretty! I'm not a big fan of getting cut flowers, but these one are very pretty! I love them! I like to get potted plants so I can keep them longer. Hopefully this summer I will have a garden. I know my dad has got some peppers & probably tomatoes for it, but I want a big one like I had back in the day.

I need to go to the library & study today. I don't really want to, but I need to get at least D's on my finals! A would be best, but I'm not picky! lol I'm ganna go make some grilled cheese & turkey sandwiches & hopefully I will be able to eat them.

Don't Waste Your Time on Me, Your Already a Voice Inside My Head

Here is Scribbles sleeping in Thunder Jim. She is the cutest dog ever!

I love getting up early! I got up at 4:45am today. I thought it was ganna suck, but I just woke up & got going. Plus there was no one around at 5:30 when I was walking to campus. It was quiet & calm. Kinda like me = ) But it was all useless today. I got to Kappa Delta & the thought of shit I hope I have my vandal card hit me. Too late to turn back, so I just said 'let us pray' & kept going. Sure enough my card was not on me! Fuck! Can't get into the Rec without it! So I guess I get to fail step & sculpt. Which excites me to not end! I'm hoping to talk with my instructor about it before class. It just sucks that this is the last week of school! I might have to sleep Food Sci on friday to make it up. Ugh! Oh well I had a great morning! I was pissed for like 2 minutes, but its a great day. If you count rain as a great day, but its very pretty (again like me = )). Plus I'm just chillin in the fish bowl listening to music. Should be doing homework, but fuck that shit! So I had another group freak out. I don't know what it is about this semester, but groups blow! This guy has been making the trades for our team. Guess that does not make him happy. I've been too busy to get the chance to figure out the program, plus I have no motivation to do it. Oops. I'm not sure if we are meeting or not. I've been emailing them. I opened some space up this morning, I'll have to be late at Macy's, but I need these points! Ugh.. I don't want to think about it.

On a side note Blink 182 is quickly becoming my favorite band! I never really thought about them before. I've liked their music, but recently I can't get enough! I really really really need to update my iPod. I have some places to get music, but my connector cable thing is packed away somewhere. Probably in BL, so when I get to it I'll have freaking dial up! I guess I could put the music on my computer now & transfer later! I'm a freaking genius!

Mar told me last night that a girl from my town, a few years older than me, had her husband die this past weekend. Just out of the blue gone & they don't know why. She has a 4 month old baby too! I can't imagine what that feels like. Having someone leave you is different from having someone be taken away. I'm still undecided on the whole after life thing, but still until death there is life alone. This brings me to my next point, love is useless. Sure its great, amazing, wonderful, & all that, but it can be gone in a moment. (Side note:I just saw a lady give her computer the thumbs up, odd) You have no control over when it come or when it goes. Family is the only thing that's constant. At least for me its the only constant. Even I don't stay constant. What I want, what I need changes so frequently I can hardly keep up with myself! Life is so short that I don't want to waste it being alone, but its also too short to live with pain. I can not wait to be back with my family! I'm super stoked! Alex is so freaking cute & I don't want to miss out on anything else! I want to take her to school, I want to watch her grow, I want to help her grow. There are so many things I missed out on as a child that I want her to experience. I don't want her to live out my childhood dreams by any means, I just want her to take chances. Explore her world. I wish I would have taken dancing lessons as a child. Her thing is cheerleading. Who the fuck knows why, but its her choice. I want her to do things like that. I would also like her to take piano. Don't know how I'm ganna make that happen, but I'll do my best!

I am starting to have doubts about moving back. I know its just cold feet, but I'm nervous all the same. I don't want to get stuck in some useless job. I still want to do something with my life. I don't want to be famous, but I want to have a purpose. A part of me wants to just be a stay at home wife, but I would not be satisfied by that. I like kids & we get along, but I don't want to be a baby maker. I don't want my purpose in life to be to have children. I want to go to work, wear cute girly suits, and crunch numbers or manage people or something. I also want to work somewhere that I dress up for work. I don't want to become humdrum. I don't want to be that lady that gets married & turns into a man. My mom was a cute enough girl, but look now. I know she smokes & does not take care of herself, but still I don't want that to happen to me. She is my motivation to treat myself better. I'm so glad Alex has me for girl stuff. I wish I would have had me when I was little! Being a tom boy wasn't bad, but I like girl stuff! Wow this blog is way longer than I had planned. (Side note: Same lady just gave her computer the hands in the air what sign. Similar to what I do when someone pisses me off while driving. What a weirdo. She does look familiar though...) Well I don't really know what else I need to get out. Oh I got a kitchen aid! It's purple! I wrote about it on myspace. I'm so excited to use it! I can not wait!! I showed it to Claudine last night & we had a good talk about it. She has one too & loves it! I'm so glad no one has said, Zana this is the worst thing you could have ever done with your money! It was not an impulse buy, but it was still a huge purchase! I'm glad I did it though & I'm sure in 30 years I will feel the same way! Well I'm ganna go dink around on the internet for another 15-20 minutes then go to class.