Not fair

I just burst out crying for the first time in weeks. I can still be slapped across the face with a memory. I'll show you what's no fair asshole. Not fair is me crying over some stupid guy how is not worth my time. Me being hurt because I trusted you. I gave you me. Not fair is me not be able to be myself around a new guy because of you. Not fair me having to wait to have sex until a test comes back, but you can fuck who ever you want. Not fair me scared that my vagina might have to be frozen. Not fair my fear of someday not being able to have children. Not fair is the time I wasted with you instead of being with my family. Not fair is putting your needs & wants before my own. Not fair is me giving up my apartment. Not fair is the past 5 months of my life. Not fair is her not knowing who you really are. Not fair is me knowing who you are & not being able to help another avoid your pain. Not fair is how much I want to beat the shit out of something. Not fair is me forgetting everything I need at the store because I saw your fucking car. Not fair. I will show you not fair when you realize what you lost. Not fair is having a hard semester made harder because of the emotional roller coster you had me on for it. Not fair is knowing I am better than this, better than you, but I still stayed with you. Not fair is me listening to you over others I trusted more telling me no. Not fair, I will show you not fair. Not fair is how alone I feel, how empty I am. Not fair is you hiding behind God when he knows what you have done. Not fair is what your ganna say when God passes judgement on you.