My dad!

I know my family has a great influence in my life, but sometime it just overwhelms me. My closet shelf has been attempting to fall down since I moved in. I keep putting off fixing it. Last night stuff started falling off the shelf so I decided to fix it today! Put the battery in my drill, dead. Try the 2nd one, dead. Took 3 hours to charge it! I had to pull the shelf off the wall & rehang it. I don't think I would have had a clue what to do or it would have taken a lot longer if I had not helped my dad with similar projects when I was young. I love my dad! If I ever find a man like him I will ruffy him & take him to Vegas for a quick wedding!! I almost called my dad & told him thank you for teaching me these life things. Thank you for making me independent! Thank you for making it so I don't need to depend on a man to do the "hard stuff." There is nothing I wouldn't do for my dad. I love that I have his name. I love that I'm named after his mother. I love it! I have a lot of pride in myself because of the people I'm named after. I wrote a story about it once. Too bad its on the computer Gary has or I would post it. I'm sure I have a hard copy somewhere. I'll put it up if I run across it. My grandma Wirth is just as amazing. I had trashed this name. I can never be as great as them. I try to be the best that I can be. I try to be like them. To be honest & hard working. I try to live my life with respect for my elders, like my dad always told me. Days like today set me strait. Remind me of where I come from. Who I am! I am a Wirth! I always will be! Even when I get married I will still be Zana Flo Wirth! Nothing will ever change that! I wish my brothers would realize who they are & what they can be. I don't take much pride in my schools are where I'm from, but I take pride in my name. I just love it! I can't even explain how overwhelmed I am when I think about it. I really want to get that tattoo. I will do it soon. I know my dad will not be impressed, but I'm sure he will understand. I love my family!! It's amazing how just fixing a shelf can make me feel this way! Family is always there. My brothers & I had a little fight last week, but Friday I had a rough night & Daniel still talked to me while I was drunk crying. That's what you do.

I have this friend that I really love & she has been there for me through a lot of stuff. She has been a great friend & I'm so glad to have her in my life. There is just this one hickup. I like these boys & I feel like she just sweeps them off their feet & I'm left with nothing. I know its not her fault, but it still hurts. If I know a friend likes a guy I will not make any sort of advancement towards them. I try to put space between us & not do anything to encourage any sort of flirty behavior. Even if it's just a crush or some little likeness. I would feel bad if they showed interest in me & not my friend. Again I know she does not encourage this, I think, but it still feels like it. I don't really know. Maybe I'm just over reacting. Maybe I'm just being dumb, but it hurts! I like this boy & he keeps asking for her number! What the fuck is that? So instead of friend not showing interest in him like I would she dances very physically with him. In this situation I could not flirt as much with the guy I like because I had an ex staring at me the whole time & I didn't want to create drama so I just stood on the back line. Hung out with some other friends. I need to stand up more for what I want. I need to not let things like this happen. Oh man I don't really know. Well I'm ganna go put my stuff back in the closet that is now fixed!!