3 Options

I've had a very rough week. Gary has been pushing me away again & I can't take it. Today he told me that we have 3 options: Move on, stay in the mess, or get back together. He wants to move on & I was to get back together. Why does it have to be like this? I wish I could quit loving him & move on, but I can't. I try. I want to be happy again. I was happy for a little while, then he pushes me away again. I want to be buddies like we were before this relationship mess! I had a messed up dream last night. Gary had called Charlotte & she was at my house. It made me so mad & he wouldn't tell me why he did it. There was also something wrong with Parker that he would not tell me about, but he was texting like crazy with Charlotte! So finally he told me that he called her because he thought he might have AIDs. How crazy is that? That's what I woke up to. Plus last night was I was up until 3am, same shit. I hate my life! Why do I have to love someone that wants nothing to do with me? My whole body is sad. I have lost a bunch of weight & my hair keeps falling out. I'm always sick & feel like I could throw up at anytime. My head is killing me, I just want to sleep, but it's hard to sleep. When I do get to sleep I have bad dreams. I'm so stressed out! I want to move on, but how do I do that when he's the one I want? The one my mind is made up to be with. And he wont even give me the chance to prove to him that I am the best one for him. I fucking hate this shit.