Just thinking

I feel really lonely lately. I keep wanting to cry. Luckily I have stayed strong. Nicole has been talking to me the past few days. I don't understand how a person can mess up another persons life & not care. & do it again to another person! What I think about even more though is how those 2 people with messed up life's can act so differently. I'll give it to her that she was married to him & that should have meant something to him, but no. Nicole is a perdy nice girl & all, but how she is handling this is so not helping her. I try to avoid any contact I might have with him. I have totally changed things I do. I don't walk to campus in the same way, I don't go to some of the places I used to go on a regular basis. Thing are totally different so I don't get memories. I think that has helped me the most. Also exploring who I am has really helped. I look inside of myself more. Thinking about how I really feel & what I want is the best thing. I don't live my life for others. I live it for me.

I've also been thinking about the 3 guys that have been my boyfriend. All 3 of them at some point while we were together didn't have a car. So no car = no Zana. 2 of them had money issues, one had serious money issues, which cause me to lose money. So no $$ = no Zana. 2 of them liked to drink too much! So too much booze = no Zana. The other didn't drink at all, I'm not impressed with that. I want someone who can drink every now & then with me. 2 of them liked video games WAY TOO MUCH! Now one of my starting off questions is "Do you play wow?" If yes then all communication stops. If they ask what wow is then we're good to go. I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm bored at work & there's no one to talk too. I've also changed that about myself. I like to talk to people. I like to be around people. Unless they don't make me feel good about myself or I'm not impressed with them. I think I do that so I don't have to be alone & think. Thoughts are the hardest thing to control. Things just pop in there & I have no idea what caused it. Well I'm almost done with this job then I have a break & go to Macy's. I hope I work with some cool peeps there. I'm so boy crazy. It's hard to be me! lol